Drifting Cinder

Welcome to the lost letters of Drifting Cinder. I've created this blog solely because my life seems to consistently burn to the ground. So much so that I'm beginning to feel like drifting cinder, setting fire everywhere I go. Most recently...a month ago.

Despite the fact that nobody will likely read this blog, I don't feel like going into why my life burned to the ground a month ago. All I'm going to say right now is that my wife and I filed for divorce after five months of marriage.

So I'm mourning. And I don't have anyone to talk to. All of my friends live in other states and even then, there's only one person that I've ever felt comfortable opening up to and my ex-wife made me write her off before we got married. So she's gone.

Since I'm a creative writing student at UVU, I decided to create a blog devoted to my thoughts and perspectives. I don't intend on developing an audience, hence "lost letters." I just want to write. I used to blog a lot until I met my ex-wife...who, I met because she stumbled onto my blog and was impressed with my writing. After I met her, I was too busy being a step-father to three kids and being with her to blog. So I guess you could say I'm getting back to my roots.

I suppose I should introduce myself. I know that seems odd considering that I'm not intending on people actually reading this. However, I wouldn't be writing a blog if I didn't expect that at least someone would somehow stumble onto it. Plus, I'm just self-centered enough to admit that I enjoy talking about myself. And seeing how this blog is essentially a confessional, I'll likely say some embarrassing things...

...for example, lately when my self-esteem is running low and I desperately need a quick little pick-me-up, I'll play NCAA Football 2009. I created a player that shares my name and has the highest attribute points in every skill set. Then I make myself the Quarterback of BYU and I break every NCAA passing and rushing record. For about an hour a day I am the greatest athlete college football has ever had. I recognize the absurdity of this...especially since I hate video games...and especially especially since I played football in high school as wide receiver and defensive back. I had dreams of playing college football but was never able to accomplish anything in high school. My coach used to tell me "You have the potential to be a great player but for some reason you won't step up to it." He wasn't the only person whose said that to me. In fact, I might venture to say that theme has been thrown at me time and time again for the last 28 years. Back then, I was a lean 175 pounds. I could jump like a kangaroo and run like a cheetah. Now I'm an embarrassing 215 pounds. I'm lucky to get off the ground when I jump and sprinting isn't even an option anymore.

So how'd I go from being a sports obsessed athlete with the dream of breaking NCAA records to breaking imaginary NCAA records on a video game with a fictional character while I sit in a banana chair sipping down Dr Pepper's?

Well, I hope to find the answer too. Until then, these are the lost letters of Drifting Cinder.

***I take seroquel to sleep and I'm just too damn tired to check for grammatical and spelling errors.